Christmas morning

Christmas morning I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... In brace bridge this morning there's a beautiful new layer of snow. There's still no wind, and the temps not that cold, it's just enough to be a pretty postcard for the morning, but not make the roads too hazardous or anything. The boys woke me up before the iPad this morning. Martini had crawled underneath the covers and lie against my side, Rossi was on top of the covers, chattering for martini and breakfast. Ron was deeply asleep by my side, having successfully stolen all the covers last night! I'm very content and happy this morning, and very  grateful for my life, I have a wonderful little family, fantastic extended family and lots of good friends, not to mention my life partner, my adult and very independent-minded children, my health and our home. I'm determined to enjoy the next few days, as busy as it will be. Today's the last day of quiet I will get this week, so I plan to exploit it vociferously.

Christmas Eve

Christmas eve morning at the cottage Just the four of us,, very quiet and cozy No wind, sun peeking out from the trees Icy snow flakes drifting down Sparkling like precious gems  Floating with downy feathers the kittens perched on the sill, watching for winter birds Bacon hissing in the pan, coffee steaming in our cups Sweet and comforting as my lovers embrace The trees stretching out to enjoy the warmth of the early winter sun Standing sentinel to guard our privacy and seclusion  The wood stove stands cold, evidence of last nights fire perfuming the air The firepit stands beckoning, ready for the ceremonial burning of trash Bringing closure to this years disappointments, and wiping the slate clean for a fresh start. My new ring twinkles in the early sun, encircling my fourth finger with the clasp of my lovers promise His new ring gleams in the light too, as solid, and stalwart as my love for him Peace on this beautiful morning Love for our life together Optimism for our future Passion for our love Im sitting in the cottage living room, watching a beautiful sight, my little family having a cozy and restful nap in the late morning sun. Rons on the couch, stretched out and deeply asleep.   I see his ring, gleaming dully in the weak morning light. I love his ring, so solid, industrial, so him!  It means so much to have him wear it. I don't now if I'll ever get used to seeing it on his left hand, I hope not.  It's a true symbol, not an empty promise, and it's so beautiful.  I've covered him up with a soft crocheted blanket from one of Rosemary's steamer trunks. Martini is snuggled up against his side, front paws stretched out in that typical fashion of a very relaxed and sleepy kitten. Rossi is on his back, stretched and contorted against martinis butt, front paws reached out over his head and back toes curled tightly, his vulnerable underbelly open for some serious snorggelling, which I may indulge in later. But at the moment I'm enjoying the moment of contentment I see laid out before me.  When one of them stirs or moves, they all do. They are in sync and rapport, perfectly content together, no worries, no stress, totally at peace, although I think Rossi may be having some kittie dreams, he's twitching like he's chasing some dream mousies or possibly some evil yarn.   Just came in from outside where Ron and I had a ritual burning  in the firepit. After making a base of tinder, kindling and paper, we poured on a little coal oil and lit it. As it caught, i threw in my old business cards, andy my old meeting notebook from my old job. It was quite therapeutic to watch it burn, not out of spite but for closure. It felt great to let the smoke flow over me and wash away my negative feelings, leaving only the positive things that I learned there.  It was a wonderful thing to share with Ron,it was fitting that he was my helpmate for this ritual, just like in our life. After all, he had to listen to all my worries, angst and whining before, during and after I got let go. He should be an active participant in this cleansing.  I now feel like I've put it behind me and am ready for the new year, new career, anew challenges, all with me man beside me.

Why?

Why do things always happen at the MOST inconvenient time?

For the 2nd week in a row, I've been in the "top two" candidates for really good jobs.  And for the 2nd week in a row, "I'm sorry, we've decided to go with the other candidate" has been the response.  It's exhausting waiting for answers from these multiple interview processes.  I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, and I'm not getting any feedback on why the decision was made that way.

Am I too old? too fat? Spinach in my teeth?  I know it's not my resume, experience or interview skills. I want to have a relaxing, fun Christmas, and not worry about stuff.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself today.  I'm sure by tomorrow I'll have my equilibrium back, but right now I'm off balance.